Readers of ‘Poetry for the Newly Single Forty Something’ have posed that question retrospectively. ‘Why would someone stay in such a dark place for so long?’ ‘Why not get out earlier?’
Here are a few suggestions, rooted in personal experience, about what chains partners in such relationships. Feel free to agree on any particular ones in the comments section or add your own.
- Low self esteem, which breeds the idea the situation is all you deserve.
- Believing no one else will ever want you.
- Thinking that you wont be able to survive on your own. (financially and emotionally)
- Not having anywhere else to go and not wanting to inflict upheaval on your children in terms of home and school.
- Being frightened of the consequences from your partner (physical, verbal, emotional)
- Constant chasing of the partner ‘they used to be.’ Hanging on to that glimmer of hope they will become that person again.
- Fear of loneliness.
- Having to admit perceived ‘failure’ of relationship.
- Feeling ‘responsible’ for the other partner and what might become of them.
- Jealous feelings at thought of old partner in new relationship.
Of course, this list is far from exhaustive and some other reasons may be suggested or come to mind. Over the coming weeks, I am going to address each of the above points on my blog which I will share to my Poetry Collection Facebook page – one each week.
Having been lucky enough to move on in life myself, if I help and inspire just one other person to face their fear and take a leap of faith, I will be doing what I set out to when putting my poetry book together.
I think when you get to a “certain age” you’ve probably been in a challenging relationship with at least one (if not all) of the above reasons!
And, thankfully there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am blessed in my relationship and I wish for all people to be with their soul mate – kind, happy, funny, the best version of themselves that they possibly can be… hanks for sharing this Maria, Anna x